I have failed as a husband, a father, a provider. The things I touch turn to ash, time and time again I have let my wife and family down. The choices I make seem to be always the wrong ones, the path I choose is the wrong path to take. Why can't I give my family the finer things in life? I give up jobs that take me away for days and weeks at a time to find myself doing the same thing again for less pay. It is hard to say we are better off now, than when we started out 22 years ago. It tears me up not seeing my family with the things they so rightly deserve! I try to get ahead and seem to just be knocked back down again. I'm tired, I'm worn, frustrated beyond belief. It is hard to trust God, when nothing ever seems to go right, or the way you wish it would. I like to say I have the answers, I know the promises but at times my faith is so lacking for the storm is raging so fiercely, relentlessly, and seems no end in sight. The demons I battle, the thorns in my flesh are more than I can stand! I'm tired of pretending ever thing is alright, when it is not! I try to help others, acting as if I myself need no help, when inside I feel as though I'm dieing! I honestly don't know what to do, or what direction I am to take! I feel as though I'm lost in this life with no shining light or compass to guide me. Lord I can't do this alone, I desperately need your strength, your wisdom to make the right decisions we face, and to guide my family on the path that you have choosen. To be the husband that my wife so rightly deserves.
